Camel and Crazy

It hasn't been overly eventful since my last post in terms of sightseeing but one or two experiences have happend so I will break it down into destinations to make it easier.

JODHPUR
So we arrived at the hotel that our driver Ganesh suggested us to go to and it was a massive attack on our senses. The overwhelming powerful stench of s**t raped our noses and nearly made me pass out...but I ignored the open sewerage and soldiered on up the steps of our hostel which was plagued with 1000s of flies, I must have been bad in a past life- or I have successfully p****d off every Indian god there is. It was quite an uneventful place- we went to see the fort and got an audio tour which was quite interesting but we had to leave before we were 1/2 way through as Mikes stomach was playing up again. We went out for dinner at a place called 'On the Rocks' which I found on the Lonely Planet website and it was delicious and went into the cave like bar and got a bit drunk, meeting 2 English womn, 2 Belgian lads and a Danish girl. The music stopped at 10.30- this was meant to be Jodhpurs 'happening' place and nowhere else was open so we went back to their hotel and carried on until Mike's stomach played up again. That was about it for this destination.

JAISALMER
We moved on to this area which was a 6 hour drive away purely to experience the desert. It was AMAZING. We drove out into the desert to be stopped in the middle of nowhere to be greeted by two young boys with camels. I was petrified when I realised they were meant for us. I got on and after I was up I demanded to be let down with immediate effect. I felt so gilty when I saw their faces- it was like I hugely offended them, but I am not an animal lover and I was terrified. After a while I decided to give it another go as the young boys were begging me to and really wanted me to have fun (I don't think they realised them staring at my boobs as the camel bumped me about is my idea of fun but hey, they are young and have no access to internet) as they feared for their jobs otherwise. Up I went and went through with it. It really was amazing going through the desert in silence watching the sunset. An experience I will never forget.

This is my favourite out of all of the photos I took. You can see Mike on the camel in the distance.

 

After the trek we were taken to our desert accomodation- which was not worth the money and was an awfl pit with no water, fan was broken, holes and stains on the sheets etc etc etc so I managed to get us a driver back to the hotel we stayed in the night before- the language barrier was tricky when I pretended to be ill at the desert camp so they wouldn't be as insulted so in the end I had to point to my stomach and exclaim 'woman troubles' which evidently embarrased the doctor and sped up the process to get me on m merry way back to some kind of civilization....well, for Jaislamer anyway. We ended up getting pretty drunk with a crazy Australian woman and her Indian husband. she was CRAZY- I had to keep a straight face when she was going on about her conspirac theories about 9/11 and the royal family, British slaughter houses and Australian immigration laws etc. The best one was how she wasn't meant for this world but how she was an alien to our planet. How she now f***s the system. Also when she went on about being a vegitarian her argument to my comment on how I don't feel guilty about eating meat because if it came to it I would kill the animal myself, especially if it was for my family, she argues back with demonstration on how she would cup the animals head in her hands, bring her face close, nose to nose, look in its eyes, apologise to it and thank it and have a good chat with it, then slit its throat. All the actions. HILARIOUS. I was just trying not to look at Mike as she kept repeating herself and the actions. Such a crazy coot.

PUSHKAR
Nothing mch to tell, awful accommodation, beautiful surroundings. Nothing much to see.

BUNDI
Another location with nothing much to see but BEAUTIFUL surroundings. Very chilled. Went to see the palace (standard) and went to a shisha bar for dinner. In the palace I went up a wrong staircase and woke up loads of bats, needless to say I came running down the stairs screaming as Mike shouted 'run'. I felt dirty and gross after that. Other than that we had a tuktuk driver who took us all over the place to try and find an ATM and couldn't make it more obvious he was turning round to look at my boobs as we went over the bumps. I felt like it should be me charging him!!!

We are now in Jaipur in a 5* hotel for 3 nights for a bit of a break from hostels, cow pats, beetles, flies, mosquitos, damp sheets, noise and just general crap.
 

The $15 'Happy Happy' Massage

Now ladies and Gentlemen,

The next story is a very tramatic event to have ever happened in my lifetime (slight over exaggeration) which I find difficult to type (sniffs and weeps).
Mike and I thought it would be to pop into a massage parlour and treat ourselves to an all over body massage for an hour- at a bargain price. It was a spontaneous choice of parlour that we spotted down a back alley, a little dodgy perhaps but that is India all over- lots of hidden gems down back alleys.
I went in, and the thought suddenly occured to me, s**t.....I haven't done my legs or armpits.......no matter, I only did them the other day so it won't be too bad and I am sure they have seen worse. I calm down a little. Then they asked me to strip to my lower underwear....now, for those of you who haven't had a massage before, this is the norm, so no panicking as of yet, however.......It is customery for the ladies to leave the room and only re-enter once you are lead down on the bed with a towel covering your middle section......my new thought were now 's**t.....they aren't leaving the room and want me to strip in front of them....and my underwear just so happens to be like a bit of cheesewire today and doesn't leave much to the imagination'. I then start to calm down and start to strip just chanting to myself that so many medical people have seen my in the nude that it doesn't matter (have you ever lied to yourself repeatedly to block something out until you actually believe it?- this is one of those moments) and I also tell myself this must be the norm. Then I go to lie on my front to cover up my upper private section but they insisted for me to turn round...I am still ok- telling mself it is just like Radiotherapy again (although they let me keep my pants on). Then they start- not only is it excruciatingly painful.....they pay far too much attention to my upper private section. Yes ladies and gentlemen...they started to give them a full on massage and as I said no....they said yes. Thn they turn me over and I thank god that they have got the touching of the white breast meat out of the way! Things could only get better....so they say. Next they moved onto my legs, and I feel some tugging at my thong... I was terrified what was to come and are they going to attempt to give me a female version of the 'happy ending' massage seen as though by the end of this scary thought they had my thong down and were now oiling up my bottom and kept nudging against my crotch!!! I was about to get p and leave but they calmed down in that area. Then it goes normal (although a little painful) for a while. Until I start to smell burning. Awwww shit...they were going to cook this little piggy!!!! Too scared to open my eyes and source where this smell was coming from...I think ignorance is bliss- or I am having a stroke from all the trauma. Then I hear sizzling- imagine bacon going into a hot oily frying pan.....a lot lik that. Oh dear lord I really am going to be sacraficed. I was wrong on this point...they were burning herbs wrapped up in cloth in hot oil......to dab all over my body and rub in the firey hell. Of course, they didn't leave out the burning of the bottom or boobs. Lucky me. Eventually, this 'massage' terminated, leaving me unsure as to what to do- whether this was their form of a treat and to tip them or whether to call the British Embassy and report them for sexual harrassment. Thankfully Mike was out before me and had already paid so I could just get out of there as fast I can, but not before the ladies made me stand up (they let me pull my delicates up) and just as I was racing to put my clothes on, they took them off me and started rubbing me down all over with a towel to get the oil off- I protested and said I can do it.....but no.....they had to do it.

We have now left Udaipur, visiting the Monsoon Palace before we went. We travelled to Khumbalgarh and checked out the fort which was out of this world- even if it did take about 35/40 mins to climb up it in the blistering heat..then moved to Ranakpur and spent the night with about 1000 beatles and a couple of liazzards in our room (one beatle even crawled out of Mike's food), chcked out the famous Jain Temple there and moved onto Jodhpur today.

Tombs and Treasures

Over the past couple of days Mike has improved- although there are still horrific events that go on for him- again, I will leave it up to your imagination.

The Royal Tombs
There are about 300+ tombs here. It was great to have a walk around, however it was like an aztec maze to get out of (according to Mike) and we got a little confused! To help the situation there were a pack of wild dogs gathered in a certain area so I was terrified!!! Especially as they were making such a noise about 2 minutes before we stumbled across them, I was getting images of being mauled to shreds but luckily for me, Mike's stomach stared rumbling which I took for my ticket out of there! ;)

Tombs of the connected royal family

 Tomb of Maharana Sangram Singh - Udaipur Rajasthan

We managed to get out and do a bit of sightseeing the other day and discovered some great places including 'The Royal Tombs' (above), 'The City Palace' (below) and the local spice market (below)

The City Palace & Palace on the Lake

The City Palace, surmounted by balconies, towers and cupolas, and towering over the lake, is Rajasthan’s largest palace, with a facade 244m long and 30.4m high.

Palace on the lake- I would have it more as summer conservatory.

Local Spice Market

Tea- I picked mum up a mixture of Asam and Darjeeling. Makes 80 cups and cost £1

Fruit and Veg market.

Other than sightseeing we went into the local shops where things are hand crafted. I really wanted this box that was so ornamental and unique but it was carved out of camel bone so was unsure if customs would allow it through and it was too expensive and not prepared for negotiation so I good a wooden painted on instead. I also got a huge green glass, really pretty shisha pipe and a handcrafted wooden box that looks like a treasure chest- I plan to also use it for the end prizes for treasure hunts for neices, nephews and my own children. I also got a huge wall hanging with amazing colours of an elephant.
As well as getting my souvenirs- we found a tailor who has done pieces for famous actors and actresses including Bill Nighy, Maggie Smith and Judy Dench, I am having a beautiful red winter coat made and sent home.
We also have some eventful beings at our hostel who are mainly French. There is an old hippy couple who dress in robes (I haven't seen any one else in India wear them) with overly long hair who don't wear shoes (neither does their daughter) whatever the weather. When it was raining I was sat on the roof terrace on my own waiing for my dinner (Mike was indesposed ;))and the girl who was about 12/13yrs old started dancing all airy fairy twirls and swirls in it, I was a bit sick in my mouth! When she rejoined her parents, they were talking to the two young girls on the other side of me who were French also, obviously talking about the English and laughing, I do understand a few words!!!! After the little visual display I was just given, I don't think they should be laughing at anything but a mirrored reflection!!!
Other than that the guest are also monkeys!!! They hang out in the tree and come across onto the roof terrace to get chased by the mangy resident mutt that is the size of a horse! They also like to chill out on our bedroom windowsill (below)

Going to head off as I want some lemon pancakes for Brunch!

Playing Nurse and Dog Wars

We have now left the Nagpal household which we really didn't want to do but felt we needed to get back to reality after a week of luxury and being so looked after. Our flights were already booked as otherwise we knew we would end up staying indefinately!! However, this was the worst possible time to go as even though I was better, Mike was really ill and I have had a hell of a time with it so far (and Mike).
I now feel I know what to expect when I have a poorly toddler as when Mike is ill it is hard to get him to do anything that will benefit him if it tastes horrid or if he just feels to ill to do it and tries to fight me about things every step of the way. Mike has had the most EXPLOSIVE toilet troubles (to put it delicately) I have ever experienced, not that I hang around toilets experiencing a lot of action associated with this but still. It was almost inhuman. He has also been projectile vomiting. Poor spicy lamb!! We got to the airport and I tried o tempt him to eat something...anything.....and I found a KFC (first one since we have been in India) and thought that should do the trick. I got him some popcorn chicken just to pick at and when they gave it to me I knew he would die a bit inside......nothing like the popcorn chicken in the UK. He ate one piece and couldn't manage the rest. He now blames that one ball of popcorn chicken on the reason for him projectile vomiting on the plane- sure sure. When he came back I trid my best to just sit back and not mention the stench of sick that was fuming out the plane and that was infused with the fibers of his clothing.
We arrive in Udaipur and have an hour journey to our hostel. Udaipur is cooler than Goa and Mumbai so that was nice. It looks like we will have a good time exploring here once Mike is up to it. We arrive at the hostel and it is ok- looks to be in a good location surrounded by handicraft shops etc so that will be good to look around and send souvenirs home from. There is a lot of sightseeing to do but think we will leav that until tomorrow as to give Mike one more day of rest. The hostel is prided on being quiet and set back from the main street however the staff don't understand the meaning of indoor voices and our room is right next to reception. We had to by our own toilet roll and had to find out through experience you can't flush down the toilet, after Mike had on of his explosive episodes I had to go to reception and embarrasingly admit the toilet was blocked (and I don't think paper was the main substance) and so they said they would send someone. Mike was in bed letting me deal with it all. My heart really felt for the 10 year old boy they sent with a small plunger.Now we have to put our issue in a bucket with no lid- which we haven't been told to do but it is the only option, I am not having that young boy mentally scarred again, the cleaners will love us!!!! I have finally managed to get his fever under control and finally managed to get him to drink a rehydration solution after much struggle- he is a bit better today so going to mak him get some toast for lunch.
During the night it was horrid, not only did the fan make a continuous noise like 500 bees and 500 wasps at war,  outside the window two dogs were fighting, and I mean seriously fighing. It sounds as though one is now dead. The noises were horrific and sad.
I could go into more detail but it only gets more gruesome and gross about me nusing Mike so I will leave it to your imaginations.

Family Fun

I left on my last post saying that I am now in Mumbai visiting my second cousin Ashley (my mum's first cousin) and his wife Bianca and his children Karan and Leah. Prior to this trip I had never met them before, only a few messages had passed between myself and Ashley. I was a bit nervous as to what to expect even though I could tell from the messages that Ash was a very warm, loving and welcoming man. Ash told us to meet Bianca at the Taj hotel in Bandra (Mumbai), so Mike and I rocked up and went through the thorough security including frisking and bag scans, to enter this oustandingly beautiful hotel kitted out in marble, with hotel shops such as Louis V (Mike said I could look but wasn't allowed to buy anything! Cruel) and then there was us, generally looking so out of place and scruffy that we didn't want to sit on the lovely couches (but did). We seriously looked like we were beggars that got through security. I didn't want to look anybody in the eye.
Since our visit we have been introduced to lots of local and traditional food (I thought I would lose weight in India but the family have been really looking after me and fattening me up), the kids have taught me how to play UNO again- I keep beating Mike, We have been to Hard Rock Cafe Mumbai where the staff got up on the tables and danced to YMCA, Bianca took me to have my hair and nails done which was a massive treat as now I don't feel quite as much like a hairy sweaty talon beast, Mike was taken in a rickshaw (tuctuc) for his first pedicure (maybe the scary perve who was fiddling with his feet on the train started off a fetish, he can jog on if he thinks i'm going to get in on this), We have visited the gateway of India etc. Unfortunately that tramp train made me ill so I have been up and down all through my visit so it has limited what we have been able to do- hopefully it will pass soon. I have finally tried curried goat. I have had an amazing time with my family in Mumbai and will be very sad to leave. I can't wait for them to come to England so Mike and I can return the hospitality. We leave the night after next (this time flying- I am NOT doing the 17hour train alterntive). So far, India has been a massive culture shock and if I hadn't have been with family who knew where to go and have looked after us so much I don't think I would have enjoyed Mumbai half as much. I am still waiting for that 'spiritual' journey to happen which you see romanticised in the movies, I think this will happen in one of the more rural areas or in a yoga retreat which I am contemplating. Tomorrow we are taking Bianca and Ash out for dinner to say thank you before we move onto the the next stop on Tuesday. Until then, over and out.

Trauma of the Train

Oh dear Lord! Travelling on that 12 hour train from Goa to Mumbai was horrendous! To make it worse we could only get rubbish seats. Of course our area would be the one with bratty, spoilt loud child that I would have loved to have slipped a sleeping pill (or arsenic). It was cramped, filthy and all together a nightmare. I didn't trust using their blankets as they were itchy and stained. The men of the carriage decided I wasn't worthy of a pillow- b******s! It was ages till I could get into my bed (pit) and until that moment I had to sit next to people that broke wind without a thought, belched so openly right next to me and coughed without covering their mouths- and remember, I am breathing all of this in- I want to cry and throw a hissy fit but keep telling me this is all part of the 'experience'. Then I get to my bed- which is on top of two other beds and across from 3 other beds in a tiny area. I thought at least this is a bit of space for me, even though I did wish I could go in Mike's bed but there is no room for him let alone me (Afgan if you are reading this, you are going to be screwed!!!) Mike also had a random person massage his feet in the night- I think he was just having a nightmare but on this journey, I wouldn't be surprised at anything. Anyway, I settle my head and put a bit of classical on to calm me down and I hear a rustling----I turn around and shine my phone and what a sight- cockroaches by my head!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Just shoot me now and send me back to mama! After this horrendous journey we get off at the wrong station an end up spending the night in a hostel that had a plastic bag taped to the roof to fix a big hole. Spirits are low! However, I have to go as I want to play with my cousin's daughter. Things do get better and will post the great times with my cousins in the next day or so. Needless to say- the next big stretch of the journey will be done by flight!

Curry Heaven

So after we hated the first experience of the holy cow, we got an emegency taxi to a plac called Margao. It was a bit of a dive, nothing to do and humid. I tried to use my prepaid STA travel card and it wouldn't work, typical of the STA to screw things up. No doubt my Barclay card will decline soon as it is now being used in India.
Although the hotel in Margao was a little scary, we decided to eat at their restaurant. AMAZING curry. For 2 curries, 2 rice, 2 650ml Kingfisher beers and 2 large vodka cokes it cost about £7.50. I can die happy after that. The next day we got a taxi to Anjuna and located a beach side hostel, massive dive and the pillows smelt of earthy mud. The whole place stank of damp and there were stains on the walls and sheets- which seems to be the main fashion for Indian hotels. The shower didn't work and there was a hose pipe contraption that only dribbled cold water when we were lucky that Mike just HAD to hose me down with for his own amusement- why do I let him do these things? It is just easier to humour him that's why! Haha. So after realising being by the moody beach was pointless due to poor weather and it being out of season we moved more into central Anjuna and are staying in a nice hostel with a proper shower (praise the lord). Sat in an internet cafe after having another amazing curry for a ridiculously cheap price, sipping on vodka and trying to bite off Mike's stubble (at his own request). The strangest couple. Also- I think the mosquitos find my fleshy white flump skin attractive- keep having to bat them away. Hoping to move on to another place tomorrow for a few nights due to Goa being a 'no Goa area' at the moment (I was a little bit sick at that joke too)

Holy Cow!!!!

So- we are finally here. Oh my word....what a journey. It has been one of those jouneys where if you don't laugh, you will cry!!!
After travelling for hours and hours on end, with screaming spoilt children and awful plane food and basic chair space, we arrive in Goa.  First impressions......lets go with random.
We get a taxi that made my skin itch for over an hour to Palolem- our first stop, if you remember (or scroll down), to our lovely beachside hostel named Holy cow. At this point I was so looking forward to relaxng in the uber cool hostel, a few days on the beach, so much so that not even the scary drive involving herds of cows snoozing in the road nearly causing an accident every 5 minutes or the driver over taking lorries in the dark on a blind corner could put me off. We arrive, no one has heard of Holy Cow Huts. I want to pass out and be sick at the same time. An over eager/pushy young man is bothering us to stay at his guest house. NO!!!! We decide to walk around Palolem (now 6am) with our massive rucksacks. After walking down roads filled with cow s***t, open sewers and being followed, sniffed and near enough leg raped by dodgy (probably rabies ridden) dogs, we find Holy Cow Huts. BRAVO!!!!!! Or not. Imagine the desserted gypsy camp from the film Snatch- this was worse. It was not beach front, there were no tents or huts, an empty bar and destroyed chill out area- a complete ghost town with no sign of human life other than a family sleeping in a house/room near by. So here we were stranded with our bags with nowhere to go in this village with no one around about  apart from the cows, dogs and annoying random men, with or souls shattered and feeling really deflated. NEVER GO TO PALOLEM. I had to switch on the roaming of my contract phone to quickly find a way out. Luckily we managed to get a taxi to take us somewhere else (another 40 min drive- bit of a dive- and that's being nice). We are currently sat in the hotel room as there is nothing to see where we are, popped to a shop for some supplies as we haven't eaten for about 14 hours, what a suprise- everything has gone off!!! Lovely. Mike is watching Indian soaps making up his own story lines and I am now going to research a way to get the hell out of here! Hope and pray for us that the next place is better. All you can do is laugh :)